Why We Overshare
and how to stop diluting the message
Does anyone else have the awkward flaw of oversharing? This happens to me when I am feeling uncomfortable; maybe I just got to a party and I'm meeting people I don't know that well and my fear of silence makes me give details that no one wanted or needed. I'm sure I'm not alone in this and many of you have also played a conversation over in your head wondering why did I talk that much!?
Most of the time, this doesn't really cause any harm except to the person that is now left feeling uncomfortable for oversharing. According to Psychology today, oversharing is very common and "people who overshare often feel regret right after doing it." Unfortunately, in a lot of communication scenarios, too many details not only can leave you feeling uncomfortable but can get in the way of what you are trying to say.
Recently I tipped a tour guide very well, so well that she thought it was a mistake and actually came over to me after to make sure I Venmoed her the right amount (which honestly made me want to tip her even more - so honest!). The interaction put me into that uncomfortable mode and so I started oversharing on why I did it. In the end, she didn't need to know about the rental car place or our trip to Louisville, all she needed to know was the real reason I did it: someone was kind and generous to me recently, so I wanted to be kind to you.
That's it. That's the takeaway. That's the message that I wanted to share that may inspire her to pay it forward.
In this particular situation the stakes are pretty low, but when they aren't, when what you are communicating has the potential for great positive or negative impact, take a beat to make sure you don't accidentally dilute your message with superfluous information. Additionally, "surveys show that 60% of people experience high stress and burnout due to overcommunication" with "knowledge workers [saying] they spend 88% of their workweek communicating across multiple channels."
We don’t have to be perfect communicators to be effective ones. We just have to be intentional. The next time you feel yourself spiraling into the long version of a story, take a minute to pause. Ask yourself what you actually want the other person to walk away with. Chances are, it’s only a sentence or two. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer someone is the distilled version of what we mean because when we strip away the extra, what’s left has room to land and that’s usually all the moment needs.
