Holiday Traditions Part 2
Photo by Libby Penner on Unsplash
Last week when I messaged all of my friends asking about their favorite holiday traditions, the most interesting response was actually the very first one that I got. It was from a friend of mine who said he had no traditions; this immediately sent me into therapist mode (I'm not a therapist) and I asked how he felt about that. He said he didn't mind not having them, because he's never been particularly nostalgic. As someone who still has her childhood jewelry box on her dresser, I could not relate, but I respected it because I have seen the dark side of traditions: the traditions trap.
The traditions trap occurs when traditions last not because they bring joy, but because of stubbornness. We hold this image in our heads of some happiness from the past and insist on bringing it along every year, not realizing that all the happiness is still in the past. My family started to head in this direction a few years ago but, fortunately for us, we all saw it coming and knew it was time to mix things up.
A once beloved tradition of a big meal on Christmas day started to not be so beloved; while the turkey was still delicious and the company still desired, the logistics of having grandkids of varying ages made sitting around the table a lot less enjoyable (did you know toddlers and teenagers don't love to sit at a table for a long formal meal? Shocking, I know). So, a few years ago, instead of canceling Christmas altogether, we decided to mix it up by adopting and customizing an idea from one of my friends. Instead of a formal meal where my parents are in the kitchen most of the day, every family brings one app, one dessert, and one drink.
This only three-year-old tradition has become one of my favorites. I look forward to using my creativity to think of a good treat to bring and the casual-tone of the day makes it far easier to enjoy the company and flex to the needs of the moment. Our ability to abandon an old routine and opt for something new was because we were not tied to the thing we were doing but rather the purpose of that thing. We gathered because we love each other and want to spend time together, not because we needed the Turkey dinner on Christmas Day.
When we fall into the tradition trap it's because we lose site of the whole reason for the tradition in the first place. It's similar to when companies get too focused on the metric, they forget about the goal. If we're checking off the Christmas Dinner box, but not achieving the real purpose of meeting for a meal, then what are we doing? Traditions should lift us, not trap us. When we stay focused on the why, we give ourselves permission to evolve the what, which allows space for creating the kind of holidays worth remembering.
